I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
