ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
