im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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