i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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