No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
