i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
