Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
