I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
