i just google imaged poop.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize