My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
