Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
