playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
