i permit you to call me
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
