he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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