Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
