i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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