Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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