suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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