Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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