This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
