My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
