So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize