I think I just saw someone hide a body.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
