My underwear smells like fireworks.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
