he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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