I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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