I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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