? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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