So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize