You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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