I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my shit smells like andre
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
