He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Nobody cheats on THIS.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
