I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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