ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
