i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
