11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
