I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize