youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
