I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize