How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
