God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
