Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
