You can't special order awesome
the condom got lost in my hair
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I need water and some morals
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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