don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
