My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
