I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
