God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
