At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
