he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
