My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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