So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
