I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
