plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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