So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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