he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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