If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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