I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
