We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
