he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
