I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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