the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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