so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize