that's an acceptable place to lick
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
