I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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