don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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