if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
