I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
