Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Randomize
