Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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