I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
