Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
