I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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