She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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