sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
