bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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