He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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