He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Couch. On fire.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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