I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
