I just made out with a guy for $7.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
