First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
