You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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