I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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