____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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