Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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