It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
