Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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