Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize